The Relationship issues and healing

Relationship Therapy

I provided Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy to help you and your partner work through relationship problems.  Emotionally focused couples therapy has a high success rate.  You need not be stuck in your past experiences.  I will work with you so that you can gain new insight into past emotional connections and develop new secure ones now.  This will involve spotting the patterns that exist between you and your partner.  We will work together on awareness and ways of reconnecting.  The end result of therapy should be a positive change for the future.  Improve your relationship today, emotionally focused couples therapy can help you.  Contact me for more information.

This is just one of the topics that I address on my website.


A word about couples therapy

Couples therapy is one of the most challenging types of therapy and there are many reasons for this.  Firstly, before you decide on coming to therapy it’s important that you consider what you hope to gain from coming?  It’s also important that you consider how your partner may feel about coming to therapy?  Additionally, consider these three points summarised by the acronym ARE.  So, are you both Available to respond to each other? Can you be Receptive to what your partner needs to express?  Lastly, are you willing to Engage with your partner at a deeper emotional level?

So what is emotionally focused couples therapy all about?


Therapy based on research

Dr. Sue Johnson founded the therapy way back in the 80’s and has been continuously developed since then.  The early ‘attachment’ research of people like Dr John Bowlby and Psychologist Mary Ainsworth began to be applied to adult relationship therapy.  There became a realisation that the attachment patterns you developed in childhood became coded into your nervous system, called ‘attachment Style’.  Research now shows that around 50% of adults in the UK and the USA have insecure attachment patterns.  I can help you understand your patterns and the behaviours they generate.

Whilst everyday interactions function above this attachment behaviour, the minute you start to feel vulnerable, then the pattern is triggered.  This implies that your childhood attachments affect relationships now. Sometimes people developed an attachment trauma, for various reasons.  I work with types of attachment injury in couples therapy.  Often people are completely oblivious to these behaviours, therapy can help you understand what is happening in your relationship.  This will help you and your partner to become allies against the damaging patterns that affect your relationship.  Now let’s look at some other aspects.


Relationship with families and environments

It’s worth noting, we don’t just have a relationship with our partner, we have relationships with everything and everybody.  For example, family dynamics can impact on you and your loved ones. Whilst we can not change others, we can make changes in ourselves.  When we change, others change too.

How I interact with my environment and others around me is a major factor in determining how I feel.  It’s the same for you as well.  So, how do you feel about the environment that your relationship exists in?  Consider how your relationship is affected by it.  Maybe it’s not a change of partner that’s needed, maybe it’s a change of environment?  Therapy provides a safe environment for you to work through your feelings together.


Relationships with additional problems

Maybe you have other problems that are affecting your relationship.  Depression, Anxiety, Anger or other issues.  Consider how developing a secure relationship may improve how you feel about yourself.  Change comes through the therapy process, therapy can help you and your partner.  Lastly, current research is changing what we know fast!  Let’s take a  look at the key academic figures who offer understanding and insight into relationships.



Current research informs my practice.  What we now know is shaping new therapeutic methods.  The work of Prof. Dan Siegal shows how the ‘mind’ has a relational aspect.  The work of Prof. Robert Elliot shows how emotions drive us.  Dr. Sue Johnson shows how understanding emotion in a relationship, can give couples emotional clarity.  You will find enhanced emotional connectivity can bring you and your partner closer and better place to deal with your problems.  Dr. Gabor Maté summarises how empathic connectivity, in non-judgemental relationships can heal.  All of these researchers point to ways of improving relationships with others.


Therapeutic relationships

Couples therapy and individual therapy are all dependent on how we relate to each other.  Finally, research tells me that positive outcomes are influenced by the relationship you develop with me, your therapist. Empathic attunement with others aids secure attachment.

Contact me  Paul Berry (MBACP)


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